Saturday, January 9, 2010

An Update

Not too much to report on. I've been feeling fully first trimester pregnant...where the nausea doesn't really ever seem to go away. I'm just over seven weeks. The worst is supposed to be nine weeks and then it gets easier from there.

I'm sure my improved nutrition and supplements have helped comparitively with the this pregnancy, but I've found reality hitting me hard. I had several days unable to sleep (in a really significant way) and I decided to take some medication I have in the past (including past pregnancies) for anxiety/depression, a very small dose...not the best thing to do, but when you have to, you really have to, and it is relatively safe.

I find the general public's perception about mental illness, and the church's in particular, to be somewhat frustrating. I agree that the overdosage of anti-depressants by doctors to a large number of people is unhelpful. Doctors are by in large treating the symptom, not the cause. But, I am hear to tell you that the most devout, committed person can suffer from depression that is not in their own control. It's like when the disciples asked Jesus why the man suffered, because of his own sin or that of his parents. Jesus answered, "neither, but that the Son of Man would be glorified." I don't always understand why I don't experience that full healing, but I think the point of Jesus is that some things just are. They are a part of our fallen world.

As a young person taken a theology course in college, I remember being struck by the discourse on Jesus healing the blind man. Jesus prayed for the blind man and he put mud in the blind man's eyes. The mud was thought at the time to have medicinal healing properties. Did Jesus need the mud to heal the blind man's eyes? No. He was the creator of Heaven and Earth and Healer of all who come to Him. But, with Compassion, Jesus came to the blind man and helped the man's faith along. I think this is a beautiful story. Then he prayed several times until the man's sight was completely restored. Here is a God - who is completely God, who is our Savior, who is same yesterday, today, and forever, but who went outside of our expectations to grant us healing. May I have a simple faith in my Savior that simply trusts in His total forgiveness and healing, without questioning the hows and whys.

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